Last week, 10 Oct '08, i went for this talk at Toa Payoh HDB Hub with a good of friend of mine, Hafiz Hussain.
I was attending Dr Patricia Love's talk. It was about "Keys To A Smart And Happy Love Life".
At the first thought of it, it has to be about dating. Couples and love. Frankly, it is!
In fact more to just that. She was sharing with us the science of love. The chemicals that run inside our brains. The electric jolt that you get when you meet women or men.
Studying and learning about relationships have been a core part of my life as i know people are important to me. They are the most important thing in my life. That is why i humbled myself to attend the seminar when many refused to go thinking that it has to be against religious orientation, manipulative and perhaps unIslamic.
I must say it is knowledge. And all knowledge comes from God. For those who were there left home with a greater understanding of human relationships.
The first thing we learnt was the misconception of love. Many of us, as Dr Pat mentioned, are disillusioned by the definition of love. We are tricked into that sex and romance idea of love propagated by the media, movies and the society itself.
The moment she mentioned that many are disillusioned by the meaning of love, i felt a sense of relief for all this while learning about relationships assured my true understanding of people and relationships beyond the scope of sex and romance.
The Truth About Love
As what i have learnt in her talk, love is definitely different from infatuation and lust. This section of the talk gave a tremendous insight on the definition of love. And how people are deceived by the understanding of love. By this time i believe that most relationships (BGR) are disillusional. (Yes! I was right 6 years ago when i strongly urge people to refrain from BGR. The feeling of attraction for the other person is blatantly disillusional. Although many are stubborn and allow themselves to submit to their lust.)
She then explained the scientific process of the human body when we are infatuated or in lust. When a person is infatuated she feels 'high' whenever she's new in a relationship. What actually happens is that the brain secrete a chemical named dopamine (and some other chemicals) that stimulates the body to feel 'excited'. I can't explain better than this guy. Check out his blog. He is quite detailed.
So my point is, (this is gonna hurt) for those who are in a BGR, you are just in a state of disillusionment. Have you ever wondered why after about two years or less you feel less attracted to the girl or guy? Yes, the natural drug in your body has subsided. And you no longer feel excited. That's the reason why most BGRs fail after two years, some even before the two -year mark.
Oh, didn't i tell you that the blood does not flow to the neocortex (if the scientific term is correct) when people are in 'love'? It is the front part of the brain. And the front lobe of the brain serves as a thinking tool. With less blood in that portion of the brain, no wonder people who are so-called in love do stupid things cos they can't think rationally and logically for the obvious reasons.
Now this brings me to prostration (sujud). It made total sense when we have to prostrate in our prayers. God wants us to be thinkers. Well at least that makes sense to me. When we think, we are safe ourselves from self-disillusionment. Blood flows to the front part of the brain! Isn't it amazing?! And just because of prostration, we become great thinkers and people with the highest form of logic. That's why i love muslims who never leave their prayers!
All in all i believe and i KNOW that all relationships have to be built. And what amaze me further about Dr Pat, she believes that true love start after marriage. Before marriage, most of the time it is fake, a social scam! Hahaha. I know. I sound harsh. Well let's face the brutal facts!
God's willing, i will post another thread on this subject. A more complete fact about men and women. How to face the differences and understand them. How to build great relationships and many more.
The talk made me speechless (not thoughtless okay). I just love it! Next time if i ask you to come along just come okay. Don't miss the wonders of knowledge!
Till then, leave your comment!
This wil be interesting!
I was attending Dr Patricia Love's talk. It was about "Keys To A Smart And Happy Love Life".
At the first thought of it, it has to be about dating. Couples and love. Frankly, it is!
In fact more to just that. She was sharing with us the science of love. The chemicals that run inside our brains. The electric jolt that you get when you meet women or men.
Studying and learning about relationships have been a core part of my life as i know people are important to me. They are the most important thing in my life. That is why i humbled myself to attend the seminar when many refused to go thinking that it has to be against religious orientation, manipulative and perhaps unIslamic.
I must say it is knowledge. And all knowledge comes from God. For those who were there left home with a greater understanding of human relationships.
The first thing we learnt was the misconception of love. Many of us, as Dr Pat mentioned, are disillusioned by the definition of love. We are tricked into that sex and romance idea of love propagated by the media, movies and the society itself.
The moment she mentioned that many are disillusioned by the meaning of love, i felt a sense of relief for all this while learning about relationships assured my true understanding of people and relationships beyond the scope of sex and romance.
The Truth About Love
As what i have learnt in her talk, love is definitely different from infatuation and lust. This section of the talk gave a tremendous insight on the definition of love. And how people are deceived by the understanding of love. By this time i believe that most relationships (BGR) are disillusional. (Yes! I was right 6 years ago when i strongly urge people to refrain from BGR. The feeling of attraction for the other person is blatantly disillusional. Although many are stubborn and allow themselves to submit to their lust.)
She then explained the scientific process of the human body when we are infatuated or in lust. When a person is infatuated she feels 'high' whenever she's new in a relationship. What actually happens is that the brain secrete a chemical named dopamine (and some other chemicals) that stimulates the body to feel 'excited'. I can't explain better than this guy. Check out his blog. He is quite detailed.
So my point is, (this is gonna hurt) for those who are in a BGR, you are just in a state of disillusionment. Have you ever wondered why after about two years or less you feel less attracted to the girl or guy? Yes, the natural drug in your body has subsided. And you no longer feel excited. That's the reason why most BGRs fail after two years, some even before the two -year mark.
Oh, didn't i tell you that the blood does not flow to the neocortex (if the scientific term is correct) when people are in 'love'? It is the front part of the brain. And the front lobe of the brain serves as a thinking tool. With less blood in that portion of the brain, no wonder people who are so-called in love do stupid things cos they can't think rationally and logically for the obvious reasons.
Now this brings me to prostration (sujud). It made total sense when we have to prostrate in our prayers. God wants us to be thinkers. Well at least that makes sense to me. When we think, we are safe ourselves from self-disillusionment. Blood flows to the front part of the brain! Isn't it amazing?! And just because of prostration, we become great thinkers and people with the highest form of logic. That's why i love muslims who never leave their prayers!
All in all i believe and i KNOW that all relationships have to be built. And what amaze me further about Dr Pat, she believes that true love start after marriage. Before marriage, most of the time it is fake, a social scam! Hahaha. I know. I sound harsh. Well let's face the brutal facts!
God's willing, i will post another thread on this subject. A more complete fact about men and women. How to face the differences and understand them. How to build great relationships and many more.
The talk made me speechless (not thoughtless okay). I just love it! Next time if i ask you to come along just come okay. Don't miss the wonders of knowledge!
Till then, leave your comment!
This wil be interesting!
6 comments:
Hey!!
I have alwaysss been a strong believer of love after marriage.
To say that my friends and the ppl around me who are in a relationship are delusional is abit on the extreme.Cos some of them have more than just love.
But i believe that love after marriage is different.
I always have this impression that people change and i hate to imagine my 'boyfriend' whom i know, change after marriage. Like he is a "different" person than when we were dating.
So, i am actually for arranged marriage. Whereby u noe the person after marriage, hence u wont know if he changed or not. You just accept him for what he is and u cant compare and say 'oh he was more romantic when we were dating'. Haha. You just accept him as what he is, cos that's him and its gg to be for like 50 years.
But ofcourse,no blind arranged marriage ah.You must know something abt the person to make ur choice kan.
Eh panjang nye storyyyy.Haha.
Point is, i am for love after marriage :) And hence, arranged marriage.
So, kalau ader sesiapa yg suitable,tolong recommend.HAHAH. *taktau malu* Okay im kidding.
Thank you farhanah for you honest view on love!
I know, i can be extreme. Anyways, jangan cakap extreme. Use the word 'charismatic'. Hahahhaa.
Love after marriage ke, love before marriage ke. Bottom line is you have to built that relationship. No such thing as quick fixes, like Dr Stephen Covey says (http://www.stephencovey.com/).
I am just disturbed by the fact that couples 'fall in love with each other at first sight' espicially if we are talking about BGR.
Where got such thing?! Love at first sight! As explained by Dr Patricia Love (http://www.patlove.com/) the feeling of love at first sight or the feeling of attraction is actually the natural reaction of human body and many misinterpret that as 'LOVE'.
Dr Pat did shared that it is human instinct to like someone beautiful, or rather she said someone symmetrical in physical looks.
She continued by saying that the human mind is programmed in such a way we are attracted to the opposite sex as a reactive nature to find a mate and procreate.
So we have to distinct as to whether is this feeling of attraction, usually people call it lust or infatuation, is a result of chemicals in our mind and body or is it a deep down inside feeling of the heart and rational thought before we actually say that we love someone.
And talking about loving someone in the sense of building relationships, love has never been a noun. Love is a verb! You have to love someone i.e. show your concern, sacrifice time and money and effort, go through hardships, and the list goes on.
So love is indeed a verb. An action. How can you just come up to a girl, or a guy -if you are gay- and say to her face that 'i love you'. 'I feel attracted to you'. 'You are the most gorgeous person l've ever seen'. 'You look beautiful today'. Cut the crap!
Although it is very nice sensation altogether, nonetheless that's animal instinct i would say. And if you are an animal. (Pardon me for my harsh words. Told you i am Charismatic! ;)) And if you are an animal i suggest you may continue to follow that animal survival instincts of yours.
Well, i will talk about this further in my blog explaining in depth from what i have learnt from the relationship experts like Dr Pat Love, Dr Helen Fisher (http://hellomynameiseusof.blogspot.com/search/label/and%20the%20future%20of%20women - watch her video on The Science of Romantic Love) and some other relationships experts as Dr Phill.
And yes Farhanah! Will try to recommend you k. hehehe. No promises. InshaAllah will du'a for you. Zawwajakillah rajulan. May Allah marry you with a man.
Another tips for singles looking to build a family, get to know more people. Increase your chances of getting married. Remember, relationships have to be built on trust and all that has been said. It's not a matter of attraction. 'I don't feel the love with you' or 'i think i don't have feelings for you', that kinda stuff.
Meanwhile take care folks!
May we find the true meaning of love, the way Allah wants us to.
InshaAllah on your last line.
But... hmm, your words kinda harsh i would say.
I still object on the animal instinct thing (Calling all the people in the house who's got husbands and wives at 1st sight!!!)
Cannot say totally cannot and not possible mah... Not that it might not be true but, in other words, somethings work for some people and basically some don't.
Don't tell all the love-at-1st-sight people are animals. That's unjust to say.
May we all love God 1st.
hmmmmm... interesting. especially since now i noe my blood skipped certain parts of my brains everytime im in 'love'. good write up.
Well Farhanah, I share your sentiments though I don't know you. But I partially agree with Afandi too. Seriously, love at first sight....that's a cliche.......you may like someone & not love at first sight. But after knowing him/her that the love develops ;-) So like before marriage & love after marriage, InsyaAllah the marriage will last forever ;-) 'happily ever after'
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